Rejection in the dating world
I used to always tell myself that my “he must approach me” tactic was simply my “style.” This may be true to a degree, but not hitting on a guy is very different from slapping an “Approach At Your Own Risk” notice on your forehead.Let me tell you, this has nothing to do with style and everything to do with fear of rejection.Let me start by saying that I have no problem with online dating, chatting, swiping, liking, or any variation thereof.Technology has opened up a wide world of potential mates outside your small town and that’s definitely a good thing for women who still haven’t found what they’re looking for.I had been told for years that I had such a sign on my forehead, and I told everyone to buzz off. You see, when I really took a good look at my dance card at the end of the night, I noticed that men interested in like the plague—or at least made no strategic effort to talk to them. Because I was afraid they wouldn’t be interested in return: classic fear of rejection.The point of this sob story is to explain that I get it, but also to encourage women to put down the phone and smile at that guy who seems totally out of their league. Guys don’t tend to wink at the beautiful woman with the sultry “don’t mess with me” look on her face—they run.She ironically was the head cheerleader and I was the varsity basketball captain.
When you ask questions, you get to learn more about an individual and a lot of the times if your key interests match up well to theirs.
For all of the attention women get from the creepers in our phones, it seems to me that many—but not all—women still find it hard to “put themselves out there” when it comes time to meeting men in person.
We show up to parties looking fabulous (as always), find the optimal place to plant ourselves for the entirety of the social event, and then proceed to scare the crap out of any guy who might want to introduce himself. O., and also because I’ve had numerous men explain that this is the exact scenario they regularly contend with.
(Yeah, I guess I did just quote U2, but let’s go with it.) Still, there are times I think we can give our dating apps a little more credit than they deserve.
For instance, one article claims we have the likes of Tinder to thank for “reducing the terrifying prospect of getting rejected in person.” Is the fact that we no longer have to face people in person really something we want to be handing out props for?