Duaghter dating reactions of a father
I was in love with his spontaneous, playful, adventurous, irreverent ways, but ultimately I couldn’t get past the alcoholism and the irresponsibility that accompanied all that. I had to learn that what was so special and full of joy had a shadow side that I couldn’t bear for the long haul.
But, my interest and curiosity in “the other” and in dating across differences continued, and I found myself over the years involved with Christian men, much older men, a Chinese man, an Arab man, another black man, and I wound up marrying a Jewish man---one of only two I had ever dated though I was raised in a Jewish home.
I sat and listened, held space for her, and then gave her many resources and contacts so she could get help; but all the while I knew that her shame was a direct result of her perceptions of maternal judgment and that that would remain a big obstacle for her.
3) Check your homophobia, biphobia and transphobia at the door.
Later, we divorced, and the love of my life is a man who was raised Catholic, was an altar boy, and was raised in the south loving shrimp and grits and bluegrass.
In recognizing this, they are usually more reticent to approach you for fear that you will say “See, I told you so” or “See, moms are always right.” In January, a young woman came to my office to let me know that her absences had been due to being diagnosed with genital herpes.
This personal story is to suggest that sometimes your child’s early choices will reveal some partial truths about the intimate trajectory they are on.
5) Get curious about what your son or daughter finds so special about this boyfriend or girlfriend. Perhaps it is a quality they wish to cultivate in themselves that they haven’t yet and are working on.
My first boyfriend in junior high and high school was black.
I recall that my mom didn’t think much of it, probably because she sensed we would not wind up together forever, yet she conveyed to me my dad’s disapproval and concerns. In college, I dated a guy who had grown up on a dairy farm in Iowa, he joined the military, his mother lived in a trailer, and he was Lutheran.