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View your attorney as a paid professional rather than a friend or confidante. Women tend to be supportive and sensitive to the needs of others, to build bridges, and to “make nice.” These tendencies often get in our way during divorce. You have to insist on getting what you need and deserve. If you don’t, you’ll still be able to take care of yourself financially. Use this time of upheaval to start taking control of your life.
When your grief is overwhelming, go home or to a friend’s house, not to your attorney, who is billing you at his normal hourly rate. Even if you hope that you will eventually be able to reconcile with your ex, don’t bend over backwards to make it happen. Vow never to worry in the dark—if you can’t sleep, turn on the light, pick up a pencil and paper, and write down your worries.
Listen to your attorney, but make your own decisions. During divorce, prepare yourself mentally for the worst that can happen. If your ex remarries within two weeks, moves to Tahiti, and/or refuses to pay any support? Divorce is an excellent time to get some career counseling at the local job center, university, or community college. Divorce can be very complicated, so don’t try to do it all yourself.
This is your divorce—so take control of the process! Plan for the worst so what actually happens will seem easy by comparison. Prepare for the expense of tuition and books while you get your career on track. Hire an attorney who can give you excellent advice—even if he or she isn’t the most inexpensive.
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Don’t separate until after it arrives, so it will be community property.
Before you separate, buy the clothes you’ll need, perform maintenance on the car, and fix the kids’ teeth. Try to obtain copies of all financial records before your divorce begins.
If you are contemplating divorce, now is the time to begin amassing the funds you’ll need to stay afloat. Before you jump in head first, consult with legal and financial professionals and read books about the subject.
Think about the timing of the separation: Is your husband due a bonus or other windfall in the near future?
Make a clear copy of all tax returns, loan applications, wills, trusts, financial statements, banking information, brokerage statements, loan documents, credit card statements, deeds to real property, car registration, insurance inventories, and insurance policies.
Also, copy records that you can use to trace your separate property, such as an inheritance or gift from your family.